Whatever worked well, do more of that. Myth 9: If sharing feelings doesn’t bring about greater harmony, you should part company. These kinds of conversations can often be awkward and difficult. Laugh more at his jokes. It’s worth the effort! Remember just because you both might be looking for the same thing in terms of a long term relationship; this does not necessarily mean you are the perfect match for each other. You may not get it perfectly right as you are beginning. As a result, us women believe that we need to mirror men by being “logical” and not express our feelings. When you do decide to share your concerns with your partner, start out the conversation with something positive about your relationship and then, say that you’d like to discuss something that makes you a bit nervous but that it’s important to share your feelings him. “I’m just sharing my feelings,” has become, in some circles, license to talk. Nor may you transmit it or store it in any other website or other form of electronic retrieval system. When fear comes knocking, which it will, say “Hi” and let it know you want to understand what it is you’re so afraid of. As time passes, share your emotions and opinions. Choosing people who are looking for the same things will take away the anxiety of coming on to strong, or scaring the man away. Be you. 3. Now, recognize there is a difference between being scared and your intuition – the inner voice that whispers or yells for you to pay attention. But if he leans with words of compassion, and wants to learn more, you can increasingly divulge more. They have common interests and have had fun on their dates. Relationships create this dynamic. Be a good listener, not only hearing the words dates speak, but the tone used and the way they generally react when people talk about emotions. As women, we can become particularly disappointed when we realize the romantic fantasies we grew up with are a far cry from real life experience. Myth 6: It is impossible to have opposite feelings at the same time. However, it is important to say how you feel versus keeping it inside and allowing it to build. Awareness is about stepping back in a situation & really objectively exploring it, looking at it from different sides, truly coming to an understanding of how you feel. Other partners learn to accept the differences without sharing their feelings. Despite the lack of evidence, we aren’t alone in this self-doubt and worry. And the more you practice, the better you’ll get. When dating it can be tricky to figure out how much or how little to share on dates and then in relationships. A man prioritizes by feeling not by logic. A good, masculine-energy man will want his woman to feel cherished by HIM specifically. Sometimes sharing feelings just causes ever-deeper digging into the same old ruts. Try and remember to continue to nurture other friendships and relationships in your life. Jessica Jefferson, MA, MS - www.cloud09therapy.com. We might ask ourselves “Did I mean to hurt them?” and then do a ginger exploration of our intentions, coming to a conveniently quick conclusion that we don’t intend to hurt them. I was abandoned by my father when I was a kid and I am working on trusting you. We are each entitled to our interpretations of what we and other people are feeling. I Love My Boyfriend But I am Not Sure He is the One – What Should I Do? Say that you have important things to share and that you believe talking about them will make the relationship stronger. Just use them by asking ‘What am I feeling and what do I need?’ It is also important to remember there is a difference between having an emotion and acting on the emotion. Outcome? The bottom line is: deep intimacy requires deep trust. There is no easy or risk-free way to share your feelings. Grab a piece of paper and write down a description of your ideal relationship. Everyone has the dynamics of both masculine and feminine energy inside of them – and we draw upon those each of those energies in different areas of our lives. In order to create an atmosphere of safety between you and your partner you need to approach them from a place of sharing from self and not blame in order to be heard, validated and understood which is what we all want. Pause for breath, and notice if your partner looks completely inundated by what you’ve said. Also, using “I” statements creates space where your partner can be more receptive to really hear what you are trying to share. We don’t call it “sharing emotions.” For the rest of these myths, I’ll use “feeling” as we do in everyday conversation, as a blur between sensations and emotional interpretations. No matter how misguided either of you might have been back then, your love felt strong and you both felt connected regardless. Share the truth of your pain or problem, fully and authentically. If you don't think you can discuss the problem with anyone you know, you can call a confidential telephone counselling service. No personal attacks, yelling, or name calling. Our willingness to be vulnerable determines our potential to build deep connections, and we as humans have a deep need for such intimacy. Diana Lang, Counselor and Author of Opening to Meditation – www.dianalang.com. Second, if after tuning into this part of yourself, you feel it is a fear of being hurt again or a fear of something else, you’ll need to decide if you are ready to manage that fear yet. Sometimes when expressing ourselves in relationships we come from a reactive space. it will save you getting hurt or rejected. The more controversial the topic to be discussed, the more careful you should be with “where” it occurs so that he’ll be more receptive. Just don't purge all at once like I did! Today, there are 'n' number of ways to express your feelings using technology. “It would look like_______.” (Be specific as possible about when, where, how long, etc). Give him time to think it over. Keep in mind that men don’t like to be told what to do or what they “should” be doing. When we refrain from expressing ourselves out of fear for how our partners may view us, we create a lose-lose situation. I want to get to know you more. Tell him. ", Gauge your expressions according to your listener’s response. Men are straightforward in their communication, so, you’ll need to be, as well. The first 90 days of a budding romance are vital in a number of ways as it sets the tone for the relationship, there is nothing wrong/I’m not upset/You’re not in trouble.”, No one single "right" way exists on how to share your inner self with a lover. These types of conversations will help you cultivate an atmosphere of safety where you can share your vulnerability and where you may find the balance that works for your relationship. A good way to start is: "I'm thinking about something you said and wondering if you meant this ­____________________ or _____________________? 2. By accepting this reality, we reduce the chance of coming across as “too needy.”. See your partner as an ally. Since emotions are neither good nor bad, right or wrong, you can let go of judgment around them. It is a mature woman who can sit with her own difficult feelings and not have to dump them on her man in order to feel better. Deb Del Vecchio-Scully, LPC, CMHS - www.debdelvecchioscully.com. Avoid blaming, attacking, or becoming passive aggressive in your attempt to share your feelings. This will build your confidence and allow you to deepen the relationship at a pace that feels safe and comfortable for you. There may be a good reason you are holding back - you may be aware there is something about the relationship that needs your attention. To improve self-compassion try practicing mindfulness. As women, we are mired in the dichotomy between sharing our personal needs and retaining our independence. If it's all one-sided, you’ll likely create a fear of having said too much. You’re basically inviting them to keep you in the dark about what they’re feeling. Myth 4: You are the authority on your feelings: People will say “Don’t tell me how I feel!” But really, does everyone always know what they’re feeling? Define your goal. Or fail. So happy sharing! As the relationship begins to be committed and serious then feelings should be shared as felt with honesty but not be a constant to where the person feels they are being asked to provide a role that would akin them to a counselor. It will be read as an attempt to take control of other people’s interpretations of what you feel. If you’re feeling disconnected with your man, why would you lead with statements like, "Here is what's wrong. Many individuals (myself included here) did not learn this growing up. But they are simply trying to be in control. The way to do this, is to be aware of or at least want to know if your feelings are fear based or have an alternative motive. They treat you right and you want to tell them something sensitive in hopes that it will create a longer future with them. When trying to identify what you are feeling, pay close attention to your bodily sensations. “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “My intentions were good,” is not sharing your feelings. Next time you share your feelings and the other person gets angry, defensive, or withdrawn, take a moment to investigate your own intention. iii. Ask him when it would be a good time to talk. To be truly irresistible to a man, you MUST understand this gap, and the way feelings of love get confused and entangled in a man's mind... How Do I Overcome My Insecurities As the Relationship Moves Forward: 5 Brilliant Insights Revealed Inside, Qualities To Look For in a Man Before Getting Married – 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Look For in Mr. Talking to someone outside of the situation may help you to find a solution to the problem. The camp is a 3 hours from her house and they talked about her coming up to visit him. Ask your partner’s opinion of what you’ve said. Well, first of all, even though you may be nervous about asking for something, say, emotional support when you are going through a bad time, you still need to do it. Tell the truth. In open, honest, and authentic relationships, very little is hidden from one another. This is necessary. Gauge your expressions according to your listener’s response. Some couples settle into a routine of almost ritualistic declarations that they wish their partners were different. If he's the right man for you, this will bring him CLOSER when done correctly! Should you share your feelings about their possible bias? It’s a false claim to interpret with neutral authority. High quality men value communication and want to contribute to your happiness. The most powerful elixir for real love is YOU. We are not separate from our insecurities, so when we try to omit them from ourselves we are not being completely genuine, and we deny ourselves the opportunity to gauge true compatibility with our partner. Guys tend not to share their feelings, even with close friends. To take just one source of unsafety, consider the role of psychologizing in human communication. The basic template is: “I feel __________.”. Has he given you a reason to fear him or have you had a bad experience in the past that you’re bringing into this relationship? Get Comfortable With The Fact That It's OK To Have These Feelings … You need to fight off your silly fears and try to face opening up. It's good to ask WHY we're feeling a certain way, and then try to separate actions from feelings. You aren’t the only one with insecurities here. Generally men are pretty literal and aren’t that inferential – they don’t always “get” your hints. There is a deep-seated "Gap" in communication that very few women (or men) understand. Tension felt in the upper back, neck and shoulders can signify anger. In order to receive what we need, we have to ask for it. See if you can tell the difference…. Many times, women are seeking to be understood, hoping they can find understanding in their partner and then find that he becomes overwhelmed or not interested. Today, I would like to direct your attention to some English idioms that can be used to express feelings … We connect by sharing our feelings with our significant other, though fear of coming across clingy or needy often holds us back from opening up. The dance that ultimately leads to long-lasting love and commitment involves moments of meeting in which our truth is revealed. Getting down to practicalities – here is some language to help you– so think of it as a two-pronged approach: first you have to change your thinking (Acting As If) and then you have to change your language (Speaking Up). That’s not a good guy to be with. Using all of these tips together of demonstrating understanding, using “I” statements and setting a calm environment will help your needs to be received well and you will be more likely to get your needs met.